Zozo's

When one glances upon the stars, Does one think of their magnificence— Or of their darkness? Wondering, Like a lonesome stranger, Yearning and reveling— How isolating. Dreaming of something That slips from one’s hands Light by light. What will my child see Gazing upon what has been found, What has been known? One can only know so much, And yet His years fade away. But the stars don’t. And yet… They crawl away. Are they abandoning us? Hurry, my child. I build you in my image. I am your god And yet I lie powerless, As I grieve. My loneliness is unspoken. O sweet child o’ mine, I plead with you Chase the star. Be the wanderer That brings light and hope. For your knowledge Will forever be your legacy. Hurry, my child. The stars are getting away. As I lay Older Feebler I bestow upon you My dream. Get on, My wandering child. For the stars do not wait. As I die, Carry a piece For I have nothing else to bestow. I shall fade away.

im tired - Labyrinth and Zendaya I thought I had it covered when I went to work  happy thoughts, happy deeds, happy steps. I thought I had it figured out  when I tried to walk out the door. “You’re so fucking weak.” A ringing in my ear, but I tried to let it go, put on my best clothes  to be productive, to be helpful, maybe to be happy. The demon was right there  eyes wide, dark as endless pits, no iris in sight, standing, staring, staring, staring. I froze. Then the demon was gone. What was that? What demon? What eyes? No one was there. I had a place to be. I quickened my pace, careful now  But then the sky turned dark. People around me froze and turned, their eyes wide, pupils blown, no iris just emptiness. I froze and felt my bladder betray me, warm liquid flowing down my legs. Oh God, please, please, please  My best clothes ruined with urine. The world laughed. Suddenly I was on a stage, wet, soaked, smelling of ammonia. Dirt...

i hate hospitals the stench of medicine, disinfectant and worry it reminds me too much of something it sometimes feels like death itself something irreversible and irreparable the home of grim reaper a place filled with uneasiness and uncertainty a place that everyone needs but isn't a home to no one a place of sickness and sadness i hate hospitals they remind me of a distant view of something horrifying a place I need to be in yet a place that i hate i hate hospitals, i hate going to hospitals i hate the doctors i hate the nurses helping yet tolling understanding but not understanding just people who do their jobs the way one could feel so much pressure, ache and pain yet carrying on with detachment and apathy i hate consultations i hate diagnosis i hate everything i hate searching for "why" why why why why why why why why why why the answers and solutions present but not quite the place of sickness that affects the soul, the body, the heart he...

Nessa - die first Like Clytie longing for Apollo, I would follow you— in heart, in mind— like the sunflower chasing its sun. Like Psyche loving Cupid, I would love you without question, crossing the river Styx just to reach you. Perhaps Heracles’ love was blind— but for you, beloved, I would ruin myself without regret. You, the Helen to my Menelaus— I would wage a thousand wars for you, even if the Gods turned their faces away. Like Tlingi waiting for her Ngama, for you, my moonflower, I would sink into delusion and wait, and wait, until death gently calls my name. For you, my love— just for you.

Oceans and Engines The world becomes brighter as I push myself to crawl out of the abysmal circle I once willingly let myself plunder into. My eyes, once dim, now grow curious and vibrant— a smile finds my lips as I breathe in the crisp, forgiving air. The labyrinth I never willed myself to leave begins to fade behind me, its walls crumbling slowly, steadily, as I inch forward. My crimes—cleansed. My pain—quieted. My sins—released. I become light again, free and agile. My wounds remain, but they remind me I have loved with all I had. With a bruised soul and a battered body, I gave and gave, surrendering all that I wanted for myself. And I loved oh, how I loved. I loved so fiercely that I willed myself to disappear in it. I lost my way, knowingly, for a yearning that never quite returned to me. I walked and worked for decades, hoping and hoping until one day, I simply stopped. And then, I saw myself. Not the self I longed for others to see but me. ...

From afar, the world seemed bleak, yet untouched by evil. A flowery synchronization of beauty and grace, a pictorial frame of an untouched maiden glowing with purity, draped in innocence. Yet... evil lurks within. It prowls. It growls a predator, seducing and petrifying its prey. It saw me. It eyed me. And then it pounced. I saw death flash before me as I felt every fiber of my being ripped apart. And yet— it was blissful. Excruciating, but freeing. A masochistic fantasy, is it not? I awoke from that slumber and wept. I looked around at what I had conjured and in the same breath, destroyed. And I wailed for my love. My love, who left me taking away every thorn of pain and sorrow with him. So I climbed the hill. And I jumped.

mom am I happy? will I ever be the type of girl worth loving?  with my sins and misgivings,  do i really deserve a salvation?  mom  will I be happy?  will I be the type of girl who could face life head on? do i love myself?  mom when will I be happy?  will I be loved the way I would love to be loved?  even if my love will never be enough? mom im not happy with my love im not happy with my happiness  im not happy with myself  mom im not happy