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The Place I Hate to Need

i hate hospitals
the stench of medicine, disinfectant and worry
it reminds me too much of something
it sometimes feels like death itself
something irreversible and irreparable
the home of grim reaper
a place filled with uneasiness and uncertainty
a place that everyone needs but isn't a home to no one
a place of sickness and sadness
i hate hospitals
they remind me of a distant view of something horrifying
a place I need to be in yet a place that i hate
i hate hospitals, i hate going to hospitals
i hate the doctors
i hate the nurses
helping yet tolling
understanding but not understanding
just people who do their jobs
the way one could feel so much pressure, ache and pain
yet carrying on with detachment and apathy
i hate consultations
i hate diagnosis
i hate everything
i hate searching for "why"
why why why why why why why why why why
the answers and solutions present but not quite
the place of sickness that affects the soul, the body, the heart
healing, rebuilding yet destroying
i hate hospitals
they make me ache
they make me moan
they make me cry
a place i don't want but stuck to live with
because deep down, i need the hospital
still,
i hate hospitals
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