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The Demon’s Eyes

im tired - Labyrinth and Zendaya

I thought I had it covered when I went to work 
happy thoughts, happy deeds, happy steps.

I thought I had it figured out 
when I tried to walk out the door.

“You’re so fucking weak.”

A ringing in my ear, but I tried to let it go,
put on my best clothes 
to be productive, to be helpful, maybe to be happy.

The demon was right there 
eyes wide, dark as endless pits, no iris in sight,
standing, staring, staring, staring.

I froze.

Then the demon was gone.

What was that? What demon? What eyes?

No one was there.

I had a place to be.

I quickened my pace, careful now 

But then the sky turned dark.

People around me froze and turned,
their eyes wide, pupils blown,
no iris just emptiness.

I froze and felt my bladder betray me,
warm liquid flowing down my legs.

Oh God, please, please, please 

My best clothes ruined with urine.

The world laughed.

Suddenly I was on a stage,
wet, soaked, smelling of ammonia.

Dirty.
Disgusting.
Atrocious.

That was what I was.

I closed my eyes and walked blind 
just me and my thoughts.
Me and myself.

I walked and walked 
for a while.

I was fine.

I stumbled, fell, but got up and kept going.

My legs grew tired 
wobbly, jelly-like.

Finally I looked down,

Bare feet, dirty, maggot-infested,

tired but moving.

I tried to return home 
but my sister told me to wash my legs first,
they disgust her.

I searched everywhere, no water outside the house.

Walked and walked  no water,
no open doors.

No one looked at me.

No one was there.

I was alone.

No water.
No cleanse.
No home.

My urine-soaked clothes reeking of ammonia,
my hair unwashed, crawling with lice 
itching till I banged my head against the wall to stop.

My skin blistered and scraggly,
barely there, but still there.

My hunger and thirst unquenched.

I looked around, people stared as if I were vermin,
a filthy vagrant.

I shouted.
I screamed 
at everyone and everything.

But to no one.

I didn’t matter.

So I fell to the ground.

How did I get here?
Where did it come from?

My life, my home 
all destroyed.

I had nothing.
I was nothing.

No one would know me now.

I was so tired 
so tired 
so tired.

I was done.

I lay there,
filthy and broken.

People walked by, over me 
I felt no pain, no blood.

I withered, disgusting 
until vultures gathered,
and rats circled,
ready to feast on my filth.

Then they all stopped 
looking at me with those wide eyes,
pupils blown, no irises.

This time, I smiled and said 

“Go ahead.”

The creatures smiled back 
cruel, sadistic 

Yet I finally felt peace.

As they swarmed my broken body,
I closed my eyes 
and died.


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