Skip to main content

Being a human simply.

I am someone who is not very likable in general. Out of my very own flaws, I have been prideful, arrogant, distant, vicious and annoying. I am not a very nice person as well, I am too intense or too distant, too loud or too silent, too nice or too rude, too liberal yet too reserved, and the list goes on. It has been harder and harder to be good, to be nice, to be amicable and honestly, to be person. I have had an impact of bad impression due to me being a flawed human whether it was out of will or wasn’t or it could be just their expectations of a decent person they projected onto me. It is clear to me that me as a person and how I chose and still choose to present myself in this society is something that is not conventional but at the end of the day, I am at peace with it.

This is not a self-deprecating or self-indulgent piece but I too am known to be loyal, nice, kind, generous, honest and loyal to the people I love and those who love me. The people I love trust me, stay close to me and are there for me. I could be hated, despised and rejected by the whole world but with my little group of real and true people, I feel like a person, someone who is fun and hilarious and even free. With all my issues and struggles, if I lay myself bare open to them, I know that they would never turn their backs from me. They are aware of my flaws and tell me to be better, not sugarcoating but having faith in me. I could not be talking or interacting with them for months or years but when they take a look at me, they know me, they see me and they love me regardless.

But, this isn’t just about me; it is about being a human. Humans perceive and judge by what they see on the exterior and that is only just natural. Being a human isn’t just about showing the best and amazing parts of ourselves to the world and onto ourselves but the bad and vile versions of us we are ashamed of. Even if we do not show or talk about it, it eats at us and it shames us but it is just a part of us that just makes us human. It is easier to find approval and company in others than one does in ourselves the more we live in this society and on the in-depth level, does it show how scared we truly are of true selves? This could be cliché or just something one has heard before but I am 24 years old and I have become faker to the world and I have been behaving like an “adult” to which, I hide what I have to hide and I show what I have to show, it is not something unique because everyone does that in this world to fit in, to integrate and define themselves in the world full of people who judge and I am also one of the people. I am the judge, jury and executioner and also the criminal, witness and convicted being in this world, so are you. No one is truly better than anyone, they just know how to hide themselves better with smiles, gestures, prayers and speeches, they can deny it all they want but everyone in this world wears a mask to some extent and that, is called being human as well.

I am not ashamed of myself and I am not lauding myself, I simply am just acknowledging how human I am and you, dear reader, know that’s what we all need to do every once in a while.

May life be kinder to us all.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

And So, I Rise

Oceans and Engines The world becomes brighter as I push myself to crawl out of the abysmal circle I once willingly let myself plunder into. My eyes, once dim, now grow curious and vibrant— a smile finds my lips as I breathe in the crisp, forgiving air. The labyrinth I never willed myself to leave begins to fade behind me, its walls crumbling slowly, steadily, as I inch forward. My crimes—cleansed. My pain—quieted. My sins—released. I become light again, free and agile. My wounds remain, but they remind me I have loved with all I had. With a bruised soul and a battered body, I gave and gave, surrendering all that I wanted for myself. And I loved— oh, how I loved. I loved so fiercely that I willed myself to disappear in it. I lost my way, knowingly, for a yearning that never quite returned to me. I walked and worked for decades, hoping and hoping— until one day, I simply stopped. And then, I saw myself. Not the self I longed for others to see— but me...
Post a Comment
Read more

Coffee with my younger self: II

I went about my way as I abandoned that little girl and left her to beg for help from others, like I once did. Asking, pleading for love and affection. I cannot go back to her. I know I’ve already left her behind. I want her to sleep in peace, to dream beautiful dreams that make her happy. I cannot dream like that, mine are either hollow or nightmares.  She doesn’t deserve to see that. She doesn’t deserve to know. She will find kindness from strangers who take her home. She will eat warm meals, sleep with a full belly, and close her eyes with wonder. I, on the other hand, can barely digest food or I eat like a pig and I dread going to bed. She doesn’t deserve to witness that. Her face is so full of joy, hope, and love. Mine is tired, hollow, and worn. She has to live the life she always dreamed of: smiling, hoping.  I can’t even go one hour without a cigarette. After all the pain I caused her today, I know she’ll still forgive me. She might hate me for an hour or two, but she’...
Post a Comment
Read more

I Awoke from Morpheus

you glowed and bejeweled the moonflowers, poison filled with illusory hope and serenity. and we both embraced, and we both strangled each other. we burn— oh, we burn so brightly, dear one. and yet, we turned too bright, and thus, we cascade down. no valley of flowers, no iridescent moonlight. no light, no hope— we burned into ashes. there goes my Morpheus, and so shall I cease to be. maybe in another life, we could have been. yes, we could have been. once, the light of my life, now becoming no more than a mere shadow that existed yesterday. there you go, like a dandelion, twirling away like a false prophet to one’s dreams and wishes. if only you had known how fickle words could have been, as people grow— and outgrow them. and yet, we live on, tragically, with beauty and grace.
Post a Comment
Read more