Prayer for sanity

hey lord,
you know I’m trying.
i’m failing.
i’m spiraling.
i’m lost.
i don’t know who i am anymore.

but lord,
i’m trying.
i’m trying so fucking hard.

is this enough, lord?
i am confused—so confused.
when will i be able to sleep?

please help me.
please…
save me from the sins of my own mind.
and when you do—
please, let me rest.

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I Awoke from Morpheus

you glowed and bejeweled the moonflowers, poison filled with illusory hope and serenity. and we both embraced, and we both strangled each other. we burn— oh, we burn so brightly, dear one. and yet, we turned too bright, and thus, we cascade down. no valley of flowers, no iridescent moonlight. no light, no hope— we burned into ashes. there goes my Morpheus, and so shall I cease to be. maybe in another life, we could have been. yes, we could have been. once, the light of my life, now becoming no more than a mere shadow that existed yesterday. there you go, like a dandelion, twirling away like a false prophet to one’s dreams and wishes. if only you had known how fickle words could have been, as people grow— and outgrow them. and yet, we live on, tragically, with beauty and grace.

Coffee with my younger self: II

I went about my way as I abandoned that little girl and left her to beg for help from others, like I once did. Asking, pleading for love and affection. I cannot go back to her. I know I’ve already left her behind. I want her to sleep in peace, to dream beautiful dreams that make her happy. I cannot dream like that, mine are either hollow or nightmares. She doesn’t deserve to see that. She doesn’t deserve to know. She will find kindness from strangers who take her home. She will eat warm meals, sleep with a full belly, and close her eyes with wonder. I, on the other hand, can barely digest food or I eat like a pig and I dread going to bed. She doesn’t deserve to witness that. Her face is so full of joy, hope, and love. Mine is tired, hollow, and worn. She has to live the life she always dreamed of: smiling, hoping. I can’t even go one hour without a cigarette. After all the pain I caused her today, I know she’ll still forgive me. She might hate me for an hour or two, but she’...

A favourite person

What is favourite? Preferred one of the other or others. How lucky is someone who has a favourite person Or the person who is someone’ favourite person? What is the use of someone who has a favourite person? Just someone who is beloved and cherish endlessly and unconditionally Someone is their first for everything and anything By choice; By one’s very own choice. The act of having a favourite person is a universal experience How beautiful it is to love and choose someone over anything and everything And how gratuitous it is to have someone loving and choosing endlessly Endlessly. I for one have never felt like I am someone’s favourite Nor have I felt like having anyone as my true favourite I have been chosen as a “favourite” for conditional and circumstantial reasons Ever since I was little But it is alright, I bear no ill will or bitterness I do know that I, for one was not a very pleasant and “chooseable” option For a friend Mayb...

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