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Sanctified Agony

I sat inside the church’s pews.
My hand on the Bible
As I listened to its verses.
The pastor spoke of God’s love
And the infinity of souls.

The air felt clean,
Serene,
Holy,
And pure—
Filled with the words of love
Spoken through the pastor’s tongue.

And then,
My hands began to shake.
My heart beat faster.
My eyes hurt.
My brain hurt.
Every bone in my body began to hurt.

I looked at the people beside me—
And I saw their faces slowly being transformed
Into staring demons.
Doing nothing.
Saying nothing.
Just staring,
Staring,
And staring.

The pastor’s words became a ringing voice.
The church became a prison
That held me abound.

I scrambled for my hands.
I scrambled for my mind.
I scrambled for myself.
As I forced myself to crawl out slowly.

And yet, as I crawled,
The stares,
The words,
The environment—
Cursed me,
Condemned me,
And hurt me.

I felt a stab in my chest,
Yet no blood was felt.
I felt a stab in my legs,
Yet my legs still moved.
I felt my arms stabbed and wounded,
Yet I crawled away.

I cried as I writhed in pain—
Crawling,
Clamoring,
Moaning,
And screaming in pain.

Pain
Pain
Pain
Pain
Pain
PAIN
PAIN
PAIN
PAIN

I’m in so much pain…

And I woke up.

It was all a dream.

And then, as I carried on with my day,
My brain started hurting—
Like someone stabbed it from above.

Oh no.

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