Crying for Dopamine

I catch it like a dopamine
The heartache,
The sadness,
The confusion.

I catch it like a dopamine.
Addicted to it,
Laughing to it,
As I heed to it.

I catch it like a dopamine
Moping in my bed,
Cooked up on meds.
I still catch it like a dopamine.

I sit at my desk
As I struggle to type the words
Dread and uneasiness
Etched into me.
I still manage to catch it
Like a dopamine.

I fill my days
With empty eyes,
Empty words,
Empty mind.
I’m tired
Of catching the dopamine.

I fill my stomach
With hatred,
Anger,
Shame,
Grief.
And I still manage to run after the dopamine.

As I let myself be killed
Over and over
By the demons,
I still have to take the dopamine.

It keeps me sane.
It keeps me still.
I have to take the dopamine.

I don’t know why.
I don’t know how.

I take it
And prepare to die,
As days go by.