Skip to main content

When the Demons Let Me Go

I cried myself to sleep again
As I looked at the person in the mirror—
What I could have been
If I didn’t have this illness,
If I didn’t have this “person” define me.

I know it is untrue.
I know it is unjust.
Yet, I can’t stop it.

I am aware of the monsters inside my head.
I talk to them daily.
I care for them.
I feed them.
But they never wanted to leave.

I pray to God as I lay my knees—
To take away the pain,
To take away the sorrow.
But I still cannot let them die.

Perhaps,
I don’t want to let them die.

I look on as I lose what I love.
I look on as I abandon what I cherish.

And then,
I cocooned myself into a rotten, filthy insect—
As I sleep for centuries and millennia.

I pray to wake up to a better tomorrow,
Where the demons finally agreed
To leave my soul.

And that is when
I will truly rest—
And be happy.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

And So, I Rise

Oceans and Engines The world becomes brighter as I push myself to crawl out of the abysmal circle I once willingly let myself plunder into. My eyes, once dim, now grow curious and vibrant— a smile finds my lips as I breathe in the crisp, forgiving air. The labyrinth I never willed myself to leave begins to fade behind me, its walls crumbling slowly, steadily, as I inch forward. My crimes—cleansed. My pain—quieted. My sins—released. I become light again, free and agile. My wounds remain, but they remind me I have loved with all I had. With a bruised soul and a battered body, I gave and gave, surrendering all that I wanted for myself. And I loved— oh, how I loved. I loved so fiercely that I willed myself to disappear in it. I lost my way, knowingly, for a yearning that never quite returned to me. I walked and worked for decades, hoping and hoping— until one day, I simply stopped. And then, I saw myself. Not the self I longed for others to see— but me...
Post a Comment
Read more

What One Could Do For Love

Nessa - die first Like Clytie longing for Apollo, I would follow you— in heart, in mind— like the sunflower chasing its sun. Like Psyche loving Cupid, I would love you without question, crossing the river Styx just to reach you. Perhaps Heracles’ love was blind— but for you, beloved, I would ruin myself without regret. You, the Helen to my Menelaus— I would wage a thousand wars for you, even if the Gods turned their faces away. Like Tlingi waiting for her Ngama, for you, my moonflower, I would sink into delusion and wait, and wait, until death gently calls my name. For you, my love— just for you.
Post a Comment
Read more

Savior: The Moment I Am

My love— the moment I fell into the abysmal agony of the labyrinth, it was my own soul that pulled me from the horrors woven deep within. My love— the moment I pierced my skin out of fear, out of the restless pits of self-desecration, it was my own mechanism that threw the blade away and kept the skin intact. My love— the moment I wailed into the hollow night, it was my own lullaby that wrapped around me and sang me to sleep. My love— the moment I couldn’t escape the torture of demons nestled in my slumber, it was my own arms that woke me gently, and spooned me back into serenity. My love— the moment I tried to flee the horrendous asylum of this life, it was my own voice that whispered through the chaos and rendered me calm. And you, who is my love— the moment you are not there, I am.
Post a Comment
Read more