i wake up every day, early as a bird. i do what i'm supposed to do as a human, i do it well. and yet, deep down, i fear: i fear i'll lose the ones i hold dear because of that.... that monster still latching itself onto the attic of my mind. i'm afraid it will jump out. i'm afraid it will blow out everything i hold dear, everyone i hold dear. i'm afraid i will swallow the pills; i'm afraid i won't see my loved ones. i am doing what i can to survive, people see it and applaud me i appreciate it all but my pain lingers i ache on, the monster creeps even now— it whispers in my ear, it tells me to end it all. my mind says i'm psychotic, yet my heart says i'm pragmatic. (im doing what i can to survive.)